What did we do?
Our team partnered
with the Marsiling Residents’ Committee in doing home visitations and bringing
the elderly down for their health checkups at the RC.
Why did
we choose this Learning Journey?
Given that my
research on a real world issue was on the elderly in Singapore, I saw that this
was a good opportunity for me to interact with the elderly that the RC works
with. Thus, I set out to get a better understanding of the issues that the
elderly faced, and find out their opinions and worldviews through conversations
with them as we cleaned their homes or brought them down for their checkups.
What
happened?
Our team split
up to visit homes from various blocks, as allocated by an RC volunteer. Abigail
and I interacted with an old lady, Mdm Y. She was an elderly living alone, as her
children married and moved out, and her husband was placed at a rehabilitative care
centre. However, we came to realise that Mdm Y had much social support, as nurses
from NTFGH would visit her weekly, helping her to obtain the relevant equipment,
treatment, and subsidies needed. Her children also hired a part-time helper who
would come regularly to clean the home.
However,
despite being well-provided for by her family and social services, loneliness
and social disconnect was a topic that constantly came up in our conversations.
She told us about how she struggled with a lack of purpose in life, as her
children were often too busy to visit her, or accompany her for doctor visits.
She was very moved by our effort in accompanying her for dinner and helping her
run errands that day, however, she soon went back to lamenting about how she
would return to a life of emptiness and meaninglessness after we were gone. When
asked about what her children did for a living, she said she did not really
understand and hence could not recall their exact jobs, and it was a bittersweet
feeling for her—knowing that her children were doing well in life and hence
were too busy to visit regularly, but also really missing them and grappling
with her own loneliness.
Reflections
on the Learning Journey
I was
initially rather upset at Mdm Y’s negativity towards life, given that she was
already much more fortunate than many elderly, since she had a husband whom she
had a close relationship with, children who provided for her, and social service
professionals who monitored her progress and quickly stepped in to support her
whenever needed. However, as I listened and made the conscious effort to
empathize, I realized that beyond monetary support, Mdm Yap craved for deeper
connections with people beyond just task-oriented relationships—a more
prevalent issue across elderly of various backgrounds.
As such, Abigail
and I decided to continue visiting Mdm Y whenever we were free. Keeping in mind
that building bonds and then realizing that we cannot cope with the commitment
would possible be damaging to her as it reinforces her mindsets of being
obsolete in the lives of her loved ones, we decided to manage her expectations
and told her that we would drop by whenever we were free to accompany her for
everyday activities, although that too, would not be too often. She understood
and was more than happy to have our companionship whenever possible.
Follow
Up
During our
visitations, we focused on doing everyday things with Madam Y. Although we did
not do this on a regular basis, it was still an added commitment, and struggled
at times as we questioned the real impact we were making. However, whenever we
went over, we saw Mdm Y’s mood improve, and she became increasingly chatty and
open with her real thoughts and feelings as the weeks went by.
So
What?
Reaching out
to Mdm Y was my first experience working with the elderly. As a university
student who struggles to cope with the time and effort demands placed on me from
various life arenas, I gathered that elderly care is not something convenient,
and this could be a reason contributing to the lack of support and
companionship that the elderly face. It took intentional effort, blocking out
my time and finishing my school projects early just so that I could give Mdm Y
my undivided attention on the days we visited her.
This
learning journey built upon my research on elderly issues and gave me a better
understanding of “how” to help the elderly. Firstly, helping the elderly takes
intentionality. Given that we live very fast-paced lives, it is easy to neglect
the elderly in our homes, and many people leave the caring to social service
personnels. However, social service professions also face shortage issues, as many
elderly remain unsupported, and thus cannot afford to spend large amounts of time
with the elderly and give them the care and deep relationships that they crave.
In order to help the elderly achieve more healthy ageing, it takes intentional effort
and planning, and I have grown in my levels of self-awareness, having to
navigate through my desire to help with actual constraints on my time and
energy. Second, I learnt that relationships and emotional presence go a long
way for these folks. Beyond financial aid (which is very important), I saw how
listening and genuine interest can be very healing to an elderly who faces high
levels of anxiety or disconnectedness from the rest of society. Initially, we
went feeling extremely tired from school, however, we soon decided to visit
only on weeks where we had the emotional and mental capacity to listen, as we did
not want our tiredness or low mood to send unwanted signals of rejection. Conversely,
being emotionally rested allowed us to genuinely enjoy Mdm Y’s company and be
engaged when she shared, allowing her to feel valued and heard. If our efforts
could lift Mdm Y’s mood, what more if this came from her own children or grandchildren?
Word Count: 995
References
Yang, C. (2019, March 11). New
initiative in Marsiling to offer more help to underprivileged. The Straits Times. Retrieved from https://www.straitstimes.com/singapore/new-initiative-in-marsiling-to-offer-more-help-to-underprivileged
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